If we were able to steal a glance at the old grade-school and junior-high report cards of some of today’s funniest comedians, it’s likely that we’d see teacher comments about their “behavioral problems.” Stupid Go Forever. Funny One-Liners. The next time you have a thought... let it go. See TOP 10 men one liners. June 1, 2018. I'm like, 'Yeah you are, and I'll prove it to you.' The trouble with children is that when they're not being a lump in your throat, they're being a pain in your neck. I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. I'm like, 'Alright. I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie. I put it in my live show. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers. People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic. Slow the bullet down to 55 miles an hour, put some headlights and a little horn on it -- the deer will actually jump in front of the bullet. He goes, 'No, I like big, hard, throbbing c**ks.' The bridge builders are few and far between. Don't bring your kids to my show, and I won't come to your house and cuss. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers - doesn't matter if its something my wife hates. There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. Yet I've tried to make it as inclusive as possible, highlighting some of the best of the genre. Ron White. Stupid is forever. Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute! You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh. A list of some of the best 'one-liner' Churchill quotes Searching the internet will return hundreds of short quotes attributed to Winston Churchill–many of which are incorrect. I don't even have a high school diploma. Mother, she likes the blue material just fine. 'Do you like the guy to have a small, half-flaccid penis?' If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back. The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. A: When they are dead tired. This is the fan page for veteran comedian Geechy Guy. However you can have your say by sharing your best one liners in the comments below. My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place.. Relax, we've got your back. She don't even see me coming. It really helps you stay under the media's radar. 14. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. One Liners Source unknown No person can ever be happy until he has learned to enjoy what he has and not to worry over what he does not have. Which is not that easy to do. I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. When I was a kid, mostly I played in a ditch that didn't have much water in it. You Can Also Use Our Social Buttons To Share Specific Images On Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Digg, Whatsapp etc. You can just bring in the semen.' he asked. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back. 'No, the next one. Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. You know that.' Jul 21, 2014 - Explore Renee Lindsey's board "Ron White Quotes" on Pinterest. Movies are boring. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. Ron White. There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. I've got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called 'Jayne Mansfield's Car.' And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. The same as you I suppose," she replied. White, if you'll just come on back here, we'll show you how to do this, and next time, you don't have to bring in the dog. I consider it an honor and a privilege to give back however I can for the many sacrifices of these incredibly brave men and women. I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. The 30 Funniest Movie One-Liners of All Time "What is this, a center for ants?" See TOP 10 witty one-liners.